5 new year’s resolutions that won’t ruin your faith

A popular worldly post-Christmas idea is to make a New Year’s Resolution (such as to lose weight) and then break it (not that we at the Cee ever did that, oh no).

However, such resolutions are unfit for us Christians, as it is a well-known fact that all Christians are striving daily to be more Christ-like.

And furthermore we Christians believe in covenants that only cease upon death, not something like a naff resolution that people give up on when they see that packet of Oreos.

So making resolutions is both redundant and a compromise of your faith.

However, because there isn’t a biblical mandate on remembering to clean out the refrigerator, we at the Cee have developed an acceptable list of resolutions covenants that will make your faith stronger and gain you eternal riches!

1: Increase Your Weekly Fasts From 2 to 7

Jesus fasted so you should too.

While it is true that the Bible does not command us to fast, that is because the biblical authors assumed that you would anyway.

A paltry 2 fasts per week is what people who aren’t even Christians do on the 5-2 diet. And Christians just starting attending church would do at least 4 days a week.

So it’s time to increase your fasts to 7 days a week and get serious about your faith.

2: Dress Even More Modestly

Jesus warned weaker Christians about lusting after people we look at.

Well, what have you done to help your neighbour?!

This year it’s time to go beyond wearing baggy, drab clothing that barely reveals your gender to prevent others from lusting after your toned, muscular physique.

Add the following to your daily wardrobe before leaving the house each day: A bathrobe, tunic, burlap bag, jeans, ski mask, and wool socks.

And remember, excessive sweat is just a new cross to bear for the glory of God!

3. Read the Bible While You Sleep

Baby Christians might have a 15 minute “quiet time” and think they’re doing a great thing – but 15 minutes in the Word won’t be enough to renew your mind.

A true Christian spends all of their free time reading the Bible.

But if you’re serious about your Bible studying you’ll also include all that free time sleeping..

Simply listen to a Bible read on tape at night, while having a friend move your mouth up and down to the words. In no time at all you will naturally read along with the reader! That is, if you were serious about your faith in the first place.

4. Pray continually

Paul commanded us to do this in Scripture and it’s just not taken seriously enough by those who call themselves Christians.

Continually means continually – not just during those daily 3 hour prayer meetings.

Less of that “but I can’t do it all the time as I’m working” – you just need to be creative.  Instead of saying to a customer “here’s your item, that’ll be $12.99” pray this instead, “Thank you Lord for giving us good gifts like I’ve given this item. And praise you that you give and take away like I am taking away this $12.99 from this customer.”

Simple.

5. Preach the Gospel to the whole world

Sure you might have put up that “Trump 2020” sign in your yard which lets everyone know how committed you are to following Christ and I’m sure many repented of their wicked ways and voted Republican.

But that’s only one street – what about the other 7.8 billion people in the world?

It’s time you took witnessing seriously and commit to visiting all 195 countries this year.

What do you mean you haven’t purchased those plane tickets yet? 

Reporter: The lonely rogue