Bears maul youths after “OK, boomer” comment

Biblical scholars have shed new light on the story of Elisha and the bears who mauled 42 youths in 2 Kings 2:23-25. 

Previously scholars have focussed on the Hebrew word קֵרֵח which is translated as “bald head” leading some to speculate that, unlike Samson, a prophet/preacher derives his power from a lack of hair.  Hence Tim Keller will always beat John MacArthur in a smackdown.

However, more recently scholars have stopped obsessing about the amount of hair Elisha had and considered the youths insult in its entirety: “Go up you bald head”.

Dr Schmidt commented, “You see Elijah had just gone up to heaven and the youths were saying Elisha should go too as he is irrelevant using cassette tapes to spread the word of God rather than live streaming. It is equivalent to Gen Z dismissing older folk with the phrase ‘OK, Boomer.'”

However, little did Dr Schmidt suspect that his interpretation would lead to Boomer preachers using it to threaten Gen Z church members when they laugh at their inability to operate PowerPoint.

As a result, politicians are putting through a law making anyone use this interpretation a hate crime and requring all churches to have a room full of kittens to help Gen Z’s recover from this or any other traumatic Bible stories.

In other unrelated news, readers of this article are mauling writer on social media for writing something that doesn’t live up to the promise in the headline.

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible