Bible Publisher Sues Church Café over Naming Rights

International Bible Publishing Company, Inc. LLC, which requested to remain unnamed, has filed suit against Mega Chapel Community Church Worship Center Baptist Church in Springfield, Illinois over the use of the name “Hebrews Coffee House” which is a small, student-run ministry that sells mediocre coffee in 6 oz. Styrofoam cups in the lobby prior to the worship service.

Attorney Joe Kappuccino (“K-Cup” as his friends ironically call him) told the thriving megachurch that they don’t stand a chance against the international Bible-publishing giant who has been printing Bibles for distribution all over Sangamon County since last month.

While no one really knows who the true author of Hebrews is, the publisher claims that they own all rights to the name since they publish sacred books containing not only a section titled “Hebrews”, but also many references to the group that they refer to as “Chosen People.”

Although Attorney “K-Cup” is Mormon and doesn’t drink coffee, he has made a comfortable career being involved in caffeine litigation.

When our reporters asked multiple times for an interview over coffee, IBPM, Inc. LLC representatives responded by saying they would not be responding.

We are still scratching our heads at this logic. As for Mega Chapel CCWCBC, we do not know what their fate will be, but we received official word from little Timmy that they will be changing the name of their café to “Holy Grounds.”

This could get ugly if songwriter Geron Davis decides to file suit, but the church has no plans to deviate from its new choice of name, claiming that it already sings “Holy Ground” without paying any royalties to CCLI. It sounds like the church could use a staff lawyer—and adult supervision in the café.

Reporter: Angry Nursery Worker