Church divided over pumpkin spice communion

Church Life

Autumn (or Fall for our American readers) is here according to Starbucks and that can only mean that pumpkin spice seeks world domination with everything from lattes to breakfast cereals and from handsoap to candles taking up the scent.

Since it’s inception in 2003 it was only a matter of time before the Church was affected by this cultural phenomenon and communion was the obvious choice.

“Jesus chose to commemorate his sacrifice with foodstuffs that were common in the day, bread and wine.  Had he been born today then he would’ve used doughnuts and pumpkin spiced lattes,” stated Prof Dayton of Leap of Faith Theological College.

In response, John MacArthur issued a strongly worded statement against Pumpkin Spice Communion claiming it was the “spawn of the consumerist culture” that was seeking to infiltrate the holy church.  He likened the saccharine flavoured chemical-laden concoction to the “promise of sin that leaves you only sick afterward.”

His statement led to a grassroots “Make Communion Great Again” campaign across the South to ensure that pumpkin spice is removed from all communion wafers.

However, such comments are an anathema to churches that have long had coffee shops as an integral part of their worship.  “The church needs to keep with the times,” said Pastor Jon of Resting Place Community Church, “You can’t expect people to get up in the afternoon to attend church without some caffeinated sugar kick to keep them going.  It’s the unleaven from heaven.  Besides, we’re already taking up our cross by getting dressed on a Sunday.”

However, visionary megachurch leader Jed Obadiah responded, “Pumpkin Spiced Communion is so 2014, the Church should be leading culture, not the other way round.” 

Despite being only September his church is already offering “Candy Cane Flavored” wafers and mulled wine to be ahead of the worldly season.

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible

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