Church Gives Away Toilet roll to Increase Streamed Service Attendance.

Church Life

Due to increased concern for a decline in views on Sunday for live streamed services, a local pastor has found a solution. Pastor Scott Charmin has decided to have a weekly toilet roll giveaway for one blessed viewer for that morning.

The selection will be based on an algorithm designed by the church’s tech team. Though the church was not willing to disclose the exact formula used, it assured us that typed affirmations such as “Amen” and “Thank You Jesus” would increase the likelihood of receiving the cherished gift.

Pastor Charmin stated, “This is going to change things for our church. We knew that we wanted to bless our people, while keeping them engaged with the church.”

He continued, “This seems to be a real one two punch. We knew this was a plan that we just had to roll out quickly (no pun intended).”

We were able to interview the previous week’s winner. She had this to say, “I have been looking for weeks for a pack of toilet rolls. I had simply given up hope. When I heard the news about the service, I knew this was my chance.”

When asked about how this has changed her, she stated, “I have always been quiet in church, but I allowed myself to really engage in ways that I never had. I became so engrossed with my veracious typed praises that I totally missed filling in point 2 on the sermon handout.”

Pastor Scott Charmin has not indicated any further plans to revolutionize his live streams, but the church is continuing to wait in eager anticipation.

Reporter: Bruce Hall


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