Church Lost and Found Contains Rare Magic: The Gathering Cards

 YOUR CHURCH, WHERE YOU LIVE – We were not asked to write this article to entice you to go check out your church’s lost and found. We were not called by your pastor, specifically, and told to advise you to come look through the church’s lost and found and see if there’s something in there that’s interesting to you.

No, clearly we were not told to write such an article, with such a “click-baity” title to garner readers and encourage them to go to their home church. 

Nor would we write an article simply to motivate our readers to take a gander through the piles and piles of unused Bibles, old sweaters, lost socks and whatever other junk that has been lost in the vortex of that flimsy old cardboard box your church calls a Lost and Found.

No, of course not.

We at the Salty Cee are above such things.

But, in all honesty, daddy’s gotta pay the bills, and sometimes your pastor may slip us a $20 and ask us to put in a little extra, ya know what we mean?

Maybe you fashion yourself a modern age pirate, looking for plunder. Have you searched for buried treasure in the church Lost and Found?

Maybe you lost a sock in the dryer, I bet if you looked through the Lost and Found at your church, you’d find it!

Perhaps you’ve always wanted a pet of some sort. We have dust mites, Pokémon, and even a small kitten just waiting for a good home in the church Lost and Found!

Also, someone did leave a Black Lotus card for Magic: The Gathering here and it’s going to the first person who comes and gets it, per your Pastor’s note included with the $20 bill.

According to the card, it Adds 3 mana of any single color of your choice to your mana pool, and then gets discarded. Tapping this artifact can be played as an interrupt – whatever that means.

So, come on down to your church Lost and Found, nerds. Get your free card!

Reporter: Crass Christian