Church plans non-Halloween party on Halloween

Downey, CA-A moderately sized church has decided to throw a party in order to engage the local community and to that end, bring unbelievers to church. The activity is a non-Halloween party on Halloween, with Halloween like activities.

“A lot of Christians don’t celebrate Halloween and our church is no exception. So, we are having a costume party on Halloween night,” said lead pastor Kent Admittit, “a lot of kids and adults will stop by in order to trick-or-treat and play games, but obviously it’s not for Halloween.”

The church has dubbed the event a harvest party. The church is located in the suburbs and is thirty plus miles away from farmland.

The church will keep its guests warm and attract the attention of those walking past by igniting a massive bonfire; in lieu of wood the church will instead burn copies of Joel Osteen’s books.

“The Harvest party is a great alternative to celebrating Halloween,” said deaconess Rosie Glasses, “we can’t have the kids out in the community on Halloween night, doing Halloween-like things.”

Children who attend the party will get to trick-or-treat not door-to-door but instead, the adults will open the trunks of their cars and use those to hand out treats. What could be more exciting then receiving a bag full of evangelism tracts and occasionally a piece of candy?!

Naturally, the types of costumes that the church will allow the party guests to wear cannot be too scary. All costumes are permitted except the following: those who practice witchcraft, overly gory zombies, or Joe Biden.

No word yet on whether or not the church will keep the Halloween tradition of summoning a demon.

Reporter: The lonely rogue