Long-awaited Benny Hinn Self Defense Course Now Available for Purchase

FIJI—After years of successfully slaying people in the Spirit in their thousands, Benny Hinn has finally created the ultimate self-defense course where he will share the secret of his gifting in a really rather nice package.

With the rise of violence and terrorism worldwide, Hinn (age 65 ½) tells our correspondent, who is actually a 12-year-old kid who was bored on summer vacation, that God spoke to him and told him to multiply his gift of healing and self-defense (for a nominal fee of course) to help fellow brothers and sisters out.

This riveting series will help protect the flock from demons, disease, intruders as well as stomach aches, bad breath and acne.

Just look for the clickbait logo and follow the link. The price may be a little too much to pay up front, but our staff believes that a 30-year financing plan at 4% interest should be easy for most people to afford.

Don’t miss out on this offer and if you order in the next 10 minutes, you can get a second self-defense kit for the same price!

Available on DVD, Blu-ray, Laserdisc, VHS, MP4 format, and braille hardcover book form.

*Boxing gloves not included.  

Reporter: Angry Nursery Worker