How to get the most out of the NFL Superbowl: A Salty Cee guide for Christians

It’s the NFL Superbowl again, where we celebrate the time-honored tradition of watching grown men beat each other up in pursuit of an egg-shaped ball!

We at the Cee feel that it’s our duty to provide a guide for Christians on how to get the most out of the Superbowl which has become a Christian holiday celebration, along with Christmas and Easter.

#1 Attend a Superbowl Party

In the Bible, when God ordained celebrations there was always a party. For example the feast of unleavened bread or when the prodigal son returned home.

Just like those feasts they’ll probably have good food and even if you’re like a destitute prodigal they will let you in even if you only bring a cheap snack.  Eat and drink as much as you can, so like Jesus you can be accused of being a glutton and drunkard.

If someone asks you if a certain team will win just say, “It depends if they want it more or not.”  if you’re an Arminian or, “It depends on which team God supports,” if you’re a Calvinist.

#2 Cheer and Shout as Loud as You Can

Every time the LORD blesses your team, the worship leader will shout out “touchdown!” or “It’s good!”.  You then echo these declarations of God’s goodness as loud as you can, at least at 190 decibels just like Joshua and the people did at Jericho.

So too will you see mighty strongholds brought down by your praises.

#3 “Re-enact” a Touchdown Pass

The Feast of Tabernacles or Holy Communion are examples of how we re-enact the story of our salvation.  So to, we God saves your team through a touchdown then it is right and proper to re-enact this glorious moment. 

Why not throw food at someone and without looking to see if they caught it or not shout out touchdown. If they get mad, inform them that you were merely re-enacting the previous epic touchdown and ask them if they even like God’s chosen sport.

#4 Watch Pre-Game Coverage

If you just start in the New Testament you miss all the preparation and prophecy of the coming salvation through Jesus, the Messiah. 

So too, to properly appreciate the working of God in the forthcoming game you should watch the pre-game coverage.  And just as reading Leviticus is a great cure for insomnia, so too will the bad jokes and boring news stories lead you to rest in the LORD.

#5 Paint Your Face

Jesus said, “Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say?” and then talked about putting his words into action.  You say you follow Jesus and then not do anything about it.

Similarly, you can’t say that you support His preferred NFL team and not paint your face.  That would be like the man who build his house upon the sand.

Show you are loyal to his team, and see how the ladies will love you as a passionate man of God. They might even break a jar of perfume over your feet in thanksgiving or better yet, bring you food whilst you sit on the couch honoring Christ’s team.

If you’re a woman, just showing even the remotest interest in this Christian sports event will get the guys to love you.

Reporter: The lonely rogue