Jesus Returns to Turn Five Rolls of Toilet Paper into 5,000

Church Life

 GIBSONIA, PA -Jesus made his long awaited return to Earth, only to perform his most impressive miracle yet; turning five rolls of toilet paper in 5,000!

A large crowd of impatient shoppers waited in line outside of Walmart for their turn to enter compliant to social distancing rules. By 10:00 AM, rumors began to circulate among the patrons that the store was out of toilet paper.

“I was out of toilet paper and with all the other stores closed, Walmart was my last hope,” said local woman Cindy Marconyak. “I was desperate so I bowed my head and prayed to God for some TP. That’s when I saw Him come down from Heaven.”

The shoppers report seeing Jesus descend from the sky and settle in the back of the Walmart parking lot. The crowd surrounded Him in awe, maintaining six feet of social distancing between themselves.

A boy who had just finished shopping exited the store and tossed Jesus a package of double-ply toilet paper. Without hesitation, He began distributing rolls to the onlookers, providing each of the 5,000 men, women and children in line with a brand new roll.

“Sometimes, I’m not sure if God ever hears my payers,” said Marconyak. “But now, now I know He’s listening.”

It’s not the first time that Christians have experienced a miracle while shopping, only last week Rachel Jones was blessed with a great parking place at Macy’s after praying the prayer of Jabez.

Jesus also turned two bidets into 2,000 but they were thrown in the trash as nobody knew what they were.

Reporter: Richie Richards

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