Kanye launches Christian tik tok to Baptist’s dismay

Kanye West was watching Tik Tok with his 7 year old daughter, North, and he was disturbed by a lot of the content as a Christian father. However, he completely loved the technology.

And so he had a vision of a Christian version of Tik Tok:

Jesus Tok

A Christian monitored version that would “feel safe for young children and the world.”

Presumably this site will allow people to Tok to Jesus.  Though no word as yet whether the Almighty will use this app to talk to His followers.

Unfortunately, Kanye didn’t specify which Christians should be monitoring it.

Given Kanye’s style of music from his Sunday Services, certain Christians were worried that this version of Tik Tok will involve children and families singing and dancing to gospel, hip-hop and other music with syncopation which leads to possession.

This kind of music is also very hard for Gladys to play on the church organ.

Hence Baptists have naturally slammed this Kanye’s idea of Jesus Tok as an “abomination” even though, rumour has it that DC Talk will get back together under the name DC Tok and perform exclusively on the Jesus Tok app.

We spoke to Karl Bath, a strict Calvinist, who commented, “Although we designed a special filter that applied long skirts and shawls to ensure the ladies were appropriately covered, there was no easy way to ensure there was no dancing and their arms stayed firmly by their side.”

“In the end, we decided it was easier to block this and create a much more wholesome app suitable for all the family called ‘KJV Tok’.  It will feature videos of the KJV with classical music played in the background.  We also think that young people will enjoy creating videos with KJVs with different covers, in different places and with different classical music being played.  There’s just so many possibilities!”

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible