Karen converts to Christianity

The infamous “Karen” shocked the world last week when she declared to everyone on Twitter (who hadn’t blocked her) that she had converted to Christianity.

After drawing the short straw, our reporter was forced volunteered to interview Karen and find out more.

“Well I was scrolling through Twitter looking for something to complain about and I saw this ‘Christian’ meme that said ‘like and share if you agree that Jesus is God’s son.’ Well, I demanded to see the manager to find out what this was about and I was referred to God the Father who patiently listened to my complaint for a couple of hours before assuring me that it was true.”

Karen has since joined a local church where she has found a new home:

“It seems that these are just my kind of people: I get to judge those outside the building as they are ‘sinners’ and keep sinning. I’ve found something called the ‘ladies bible study‘ which is a space solely dedicated to gossip. Though I’m not sure what the Bible part is about as we didn’t look at that – but I’m sure someone will make that clear to me.”

Karen was also quickly voted to become an honorary member of the board of elders to keep her from interrupting the service:

“I love that board, it’s the perfect place to kick the pastor into action. Who knew that there were meetings just for moaning – I just don’t get how heaven can be any better than this…”

Jim, the beleaguered pastor of Karen’s new church said, “On the bright side she has made sure the nursery rota is filled and has got rid of the pew-warmers from the congregation, but…”

Jim trailed off and stared vacantly into the distance.  Sadly not even coffee could bring him back to complete the interview.

News of Karen’s conversion led to shares of social media companies to fall 80%.  “Without conflict, there’s so little engagement that people’s feeds just dried up,” said Jack, a social media CEO.

Idea: Adrienne Koziol
Writer: John Spencer