Mt Carmel showdown for town’s church hoppers

One of the most frustrating things for a pastor are the church hoppers.  They check out your church, maybe for the worship, preaching or playground size and attend for a while but then maybe the pastor asked them to, shock horror, serve.  Or maybe they heard of something cool happening at another church.  Or maybe they noticed that sinners attend this church.

Whatever the reason they move to the next church for a couple of months before repeating the cycle all over again.

Well for the pastors of Springdale, Arkansas the endless church hopping between the 20 churches became too much. 

Together they summoned all the Christians in the town to the Mount Magazine and addressed them:

“How long will you waver between our churches? If Agape Fellowship is your church then commit to it, if Temple Baptist church is your church then commit to it…”

“Get ten platforms for us. And let each pastor preach repentance.  The one who causes you to fall to your knees weeping is the pastor of your church.”

Then all the people said, “What you say is good.”

And so the pastors each took turn preaching, each causing some people to wipe tears from their eyes and confess their manifold sins. 

Those people were added to their congregation for good.

All went well except for the local liberal pastor.  Her sermon of inclusivity made everyone feel like God owed them for their wonderful choices.  So the other pastors cried out:

“Shout louder! Surely your theology is right! Perhaps it is deep in eisegesis, or busy listening to the world or traveling to its safe space. Maybe it is sleeping and must be awakened to the true faith.”

 But sadly to no avail.

Fortunately, the police presence prevented any of these pastors calling on people to seize the liberal pastor and slaughter them in the nearby valley.

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible