Pastor politicizes computer virus

Church Life

Smackover, AR-A local pastor has used a computer virus to forcibly achieve a promotion within his church, by the cunning use of church politics.

“The senior pastor failed to stop this computer virus so, that proves he is unfit to lead the congregation,” said associate minister Lefty Leaner, “and the youth minister agrees with me.”

When a pastor even acknowledges the existence of the youth minister, you have to pay attention!

“I agree with pastor Leaner, a virus can be prevented. I see no problem in taking this to the board and getting our lead pastor voted out,” said youth pastor Green Litt, “I will be the new associate minister but I promise you, this has nothing to do with politics. It’s the principle.”

Remember, it’s always the principle when someone tells you that it is.

We approached the lead pastor for comment:

“I was in my office the other day typing up the newest church bulletins on our Windows 98 computer,” said senior pastor Holden Right, “and all of a sudden my e-mail downloads a video called the ‘Egyptian elephant’ which my admin said was a virus.”

We informed pastor Right that the computer virus could be removed via an anti-virus program but were informed that he could not buy the necessary software until after having a staff meeting.

“The board will be meeting just before Easter,” continued Pastor Leaner, “I intend to point out that Right does not know how to keep his home in order. And the Bible says somewhere that a pastor must do that!”

Due to the computer virus incident, not a single church bulletin has been printed, but fortunately this has had little impact on the congregation who don’t read it anyway.  Which is why many churches are reducing preaching time to fit in more notices during the service.

“I don’t know why the leaders have made such an issue out of virus,” said Bill, the church’s custodian, “but I hope someday to be as humble as they are.”

Reporter: The lonely rogue


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