Poor person inspired by pastor’s luxury vacation sermon

Dear Pastor Goldleaf,

I felt particularly inspired by your sermon this past Sunday and felt compelled to write you about it.

I have been meaning to speak with you instead of corresponding via e-mail but, as busy as we are all these days, e-mail will have to do.

After I skimmed the church bulletin and saw that you had returned from vacation, a sense of anticipation built up in me. What insightful, spiritual knowledge will our pastor bring for us today?

My anticipation only grew during worship time as I always find fog machines help me focus more on Christ (far more so than using vaping to mimic the glory cloud).

Next came your sermon which truly inspired me even as I struggle to feed my family and pay our bills but after hearing you preach, I have been lifted from my depression and am confident that things will not only be fine but glorious.

Whilst your poorly done impression of Trump brought a little laugh it was the detailed account of your hardships you faced on your vacation that raised my hopes.

Those thirty minutes where you described how you had to suffer through eating caviar for every meal during your tour of Europe was inspiring.  And how you had to face the shocking consumption of gasoline by the Rolls Royce that you and your wife drove across the continent. 

It was like your sermon was aimed directly at me!

I can see why you needed to take a cruise to Aruba to cap off your month long Sabbatical to recover from the trauma!

I know that God too will help me as I face similar hardships and I was convicted about holding back from contributing to the $4bn church so I could buy things like soap and shampoo.

You inspired me to copy your example and seek eternal blessings rather than satisfying myself with material possessions.

I can only hope God will help me to live free of such earthly concerns like you do.

Your parishioner,

-Kip Holden Awn

Reporter: The lonely rogue