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Scientists discover time taken for secular song to be OK for Christians

Church Life

Columbus, OH – 23 years, three months and 4 days.

This is the exact amount of time scientists have determined needs to pass before a secular song can be used in the church for media, skits, interpretive dance, and/or badly sung by the senior pastor during a sermon.

Previously thought as a relative time frame, any indulgences in secular music before this specific time can cause major issues within different groups in a church.

One notable example was the inclusion of the 1996 hit “who will save your soul” by Jewel in a teen skit performed this past May at the First Baptist church.

Chaos ensued as some elderly women fainted, the armchair theologians in the congregation started a new forum online regarding the sinful nature of the song, the senior pastor included three different scathing references in sermons after the skit, and for four families this was the final straw.  One of stated “we should just go to that new church our cousin keeps talking about”.

Oddly enough, the 1995 hit, “Wonderwall” was accidentally played during an altar call at the Second Baptist church , after the media department’s Spotify playlist went rogue.

Several people rededicated their lives while others remarked that the altar call was a “turn in the right direction” for the church.

More research will be conducted regarding the genre of the music.

Reporter: ProtestANT-Man

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