Dear Crass: You’re not funny! Signed Trolly Troll

Dear Crass,

Isn’t it time you guys at the Salty Cee hung it up? I mean, you’re clearly ripping off [REDACTED]’s website, and your stuff isn’t half as funny as it used to be.

My wife and I haven’t laughed at an article of yours in months. Why, if I read one more Trump or politics article, I’m going to scream. Why can’t you all just give it up and go home?

Your unfunny hacks and I hope you all burn in the eternal fire of the internet.

Sincerely,

Angry Troll in Toledo

Dear Troll,

First of all, that’s just mean.

I’m not saying it isn’t entirely true, but it’s mean.

However, in spite of your venom you’ve spewed all over my day, I am going to look for the silver lining in your letter. Yes, there is a silver lining, three things specifically that I noticed:

You said, “your stuff isn’t half as funny as it used to be.” So, we used to be twice as funny! I call that a win. Second, you’re still reading our articles, so our diabolical plans of seducing readers away from those other satirical sites is clearly working (more on that in a second). Third, you read with your wife and that’s sweet that two people can be so bitter together. I’m sure you’re quite the happy couple.

As to comparing us to [REDACTED]’S site, sir, how dare you!

Those guys re-post old articles on the regular, because they ran out of funny about two years ago. You think we write too many political related articles? Bro, let’s be honest, that stuff writes itself. I mean, have you seen Nancy Pelosi? If she has any more work done, those eyebrows are gonna be on the back of her head!

Finally, my good sir, you meant to say “You’re unfunny hacks.” As we all know, if you make a spelling mistake while trolling someone, your entire argument is invalid.

Good Day,

Crass