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Academy announces new award to reward people who bother to watch it

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The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has announced a new Oscar category, the award for Outstanding achievement in staying interested.

Viewing figures for the award ceremony have been falling drastically over the past few years but the 2018 Oscars took the record as being the least watched to date. 

The Academy is baffled at why viewers find it hard to sit through nearly four hours of being lectured at by overpaid actors and actresses from films that no-one has heard of, let alone watched.  So the new award represents their best effort to reward the public and, of course, to increase the advertising revenues that cover the $44 million it costs to put on the show.

However, the 6000 members of The Academy were scathing in their response.  Rob Lowe tweeted that “The film business passed away today.”

Others stated, “How are we supposed to maintain our feeling of superiority if we start taking into account the unwashed masses?”  Producers were also up in arms, “We don’t spend over $100 million dollars lobbying for our films to win an award to have someone we haven’t influenced have a say!”

California, who hosts the ceremony, has announced that they are fast-tracking a law to make it compulsory to watch the Oscars and will ban flights to other “discriminatory states” that don’t have a similar law forcing their citizens to be preached at by rich privileged people.

However, Disney-ABC who airs the Oscars is frustrated that their films are just not getting nominated and has proposed another new category, Best Disney Film.

But The Academy hit back at Disney suggesting instead the new category, Most Obscure Film.

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible

 

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