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Apple claim iPhone X ChargeGate issue is actually new feature to keep out riff raff

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Well it’s only one week since Apple’s new iPhone X and iPhone XS have available to the public and the ChargeGate conspiracy has grown to epic proportions.

First, complaints surfaced on the Apple forums then on Twitter, the social media site that seeks to unite all people in the world with grievances.  Finally the outcry became such that this issue was investigated in this video by blogger Lewis Hilsenteger which has now been viewed by almost 5 million people (or one person repeatedly who has a lot of time on their hands).

It appears many of the new XS and XS Max phones refused to charge when the lightning cable (so called because of the shock users experience at its price tag) was plugged in.

Techies are speculating that the issue is with the new beefed-up security features of iOS 12 which prevent not only non-Apple cables from working but even their standard cables.

Some Pentecostals believe that Satan is again tricking people into taking an Apple but this time disguised as a “serpent” charging cord.  Like Adam and Eve, users have discovered the shame that results from a flat battery.

Until now Apple has offered canned responses or simply replaced the phones with new iPhones which then exhibit the new problem.

But Apple CEO, Tim Cook, has just released the following statement on the ChargeGate issue:

“The iPhone X and iPhone XS are premium products and those who own them should rightfully be proud of their superiority over Android Phones.  That’s why we’ve always made our cables and earphones different so that people can recognise how loaded you are.

However, more and more commoners are buying our products which has diluted how smug Apple owners can feel.  In order to overcome this, we have in iOS 12 included a new feature we like to call pay-to-play. 

Owners will now have to pay to recharge their phones charged using either the money slot on the side or Apple pay.  This will ensure only the truly wealthy clients can continue to use their phones whereas the peasants will be forced to use the common Samsung or even a Nokia brick phone.”

Upon the news, shares in Apple jumped by 10%.

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible

 

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