Atheists Furious Jesus included in Christmas Story

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This week Polly Toynbee, the Vice President of the UK Humanist Society, launched a tirade on the Samaritan’s Purse Christmas shoebox appeal and urged schools to boycott this pernicious of organisations as the boxes often contain a book of bible stories. 

The Bible as Polly warns us is pro-Trump (sorry Christian Democrats if this is news to you) and supports Islamophobia (sorry all Christians if you thought Muslims were included in Jesus’ command to love your neighbour). 

The UK Humanist society doesn’t distribute presents to the world’s poorest but instead engages in other noble humanitarian work like threatening to sue the UK scouts and other clubs if they pray or use God in their oath.

However, the next target of the Humanist society is the Christmas story.  

Already many schools in the UK have ditched the traditional nativity for fear of offending anybody except Christians.  And 47% of those have amended the story to include aliens, punk fairies, Elvis Presley, footballers, a lobster and a drunken spaceman which better reflect the season but yet still include Jesus.

“This simply is not good enough,” commented a humanist spokesman, “anyone would think that this Winter Festival is about Christianity!  We should use this festival to celebrate the birth of such great figures as Marx or Mao who showed how peace and goodwill can be achieved without any need for God or Jesus.”

“Alternatively, school nativities could celebrate the spirit of consumerism – that great and guiding principle that makes all developed economies grow.   The jolly rotund figure Father Company dressed in red who gave gifts to all those who paid for them is an inspiring story of how children can sucker their parents into spending loads of money on them.”

 Inspired by David Robertson’s article “Why I’m saying ‘Bah Humbug’ to Polly Toynbee’s ignorant anti-Christian crusade”

 Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible

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