Babylon Bee Submissions: Your handy guide

If you’d like to send an article submission to The Babylon Bee, you can do so by heading to the Babylon Bee submissions page at www.babylonbee.com/submissions.

However, you’ll soon discover that instead of the amber nectar it returns a 404 error.

Well have no fear my prospective author.  If you hunt around online you’ll find old cached copies of that page.  They’ll instruct you to send an email to “submissions at babylonbee.com which has as its subject the headline of your article, and as its content the body of your article. Your article can be either a satirical news story or a satirical opinion piece”.

However, you’ll soon discover that you’ll get an automated reply which says “We do receive Babylon Bee submissions here, but the best way to get your headlines noticed is to subscribe and join the forum.”

But fear not my prospective author I’m sure they’ll make an exception for you even though they’re using their forum to notice the very best ideas. 

Sadly all us authors at the Salty Cee had no success with our many emails even before the forum – but we know that you’re special and will succeed where so many others have failed.

But just supposing that you get no reply, how do you submit an article to the Babylon Bee via this forum?

Well all you have to do is sign up for their premium plan at only $10/month.  That allows you access to their Babylon Bee submissions “Headline forum” where you can submit your idea – well your headline.

All you need now is for a couple of hundred people to vote on it so it rises to the top. 

That’s an easy task for an aspiring author such as yourself. 

Now if you’re luckier still, the team at the Babylon Bee may reward you by taking your submission and writing the article.

Hurrah!

Of course you won’t receive any credit – but as a Christian it’s never about earthly rewards. 

Instead you’ll receive the warm inner glow that you have helped a company make more money from your idea which you had to pay them to accept in the first place. 

You’ve really made it now as a Christian satirical writer.

Now all you’ll have to do is to convince people it really was your idea and that you didn’t steal it from the Babylon Bee*.

It’s a good job you didn’t submit an article to one of those lesser known Christian news satire website like the Salty Cee.

Those people only welcome ideas from any Christian, credit you for them and then link to your site or book or your pet cat’s social media page.

That’s just crass.

We wish we were as smart and as discerning as you.

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible

*We’d love to tell you a funny story about a freak satirical coincidence involving this site, the Babylon Bee and the legal threats that ensued, but our wives still insist that it would be a really bad idea.