Breaking News: President Trump insulted someone!

The world is in shock as CNN reported that the President of the United States, Donald Trump, has just insulted someone!

Yes, the leader of the America called someone a name with the intent of hurting this person’s feelings.

I’m sorry, we really should have told you to sit down before told you this appalling news. 

We reached out to the victim who is currently a political rival to the president for comment but have not received a statement yet. We do know however that the insulted politician is currently sobbing and has locked themselves inside a bathroom.

Trump was previously criticized by other politicians and the majority of news media for insulting too many of his rivals, then criticized again for not insulting enough people and currently, Trump is being slammed for insulting too many people.

Speaker Pelosi had this to say on the president’s behavior, “Insulting people publicly is a childish, adolescent stunt. If he were a mature adult he would just threaten others with imprisonment.”

We called the White House and were surprised that Trump answered the phone. The president stated, “It’s like I said on Fox News, I wanted to call this person a moron but then I thought about it and considered how many loyal followers this person has and realized that it was not proportionally fitting to call this person a moron. The truth is, this person is a right ding dong.”

We apologize for the harshness of these words, which may dismay our readers.

In wake of the psychological damage the president has done, sales in safe spaces are going up.

Despite the criticisms, the president has yet to indicate whether he will retract his statement or not.

U.S. Presidential candidates have promised to ignore any further insults from Trump by using the tried and true strategy of singing la-la-la and placing their fingers in their ears (or hands over their ears if you are health and safety inclined).

Reporter: The lonely rogue