College Admissions Scandal: Disadvantaged rich people need help to get in

College Admissions: On Tuesday it was revealed that nearly 50 people, including actresses Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin, were praised for their involvement with the forward thinking Key Worldwide Foundation run by William Singer.

The foundation has raised around $25 million between 2011 and 2018 to help disadvantaged rich people enter top colleges including Yale, Georgetown, Stanford, University of Southern California, UCLA and the University of Texas 

Singer commented that, “What people don’t realise that there are only a few rich people in this great nation of ours and so they form a neglected minority.  Therefore it is only right that affirmative action is taken to help them with their college admissions.” 

Felicity Huffman made a generous tax deductible donation $15,000 donation to the foundation, which just happened to help improve her daughter’s SAT score by about 400 points.

“We’re just so proud of the work of this establishment helping disadvantaged kids like mine,” said Felicity, “it’s so hard for thick rich children to get into college on their own efforts.”

Lori Loughlin and her husband Mossimo Giannulli donated $500,000 to the Foundation which coincidentally helped their daughters gain admittance to the University of Southern California.

“We were so surprised that the foundation would select our daughters as recruits to the USC crew team, I mean they don’t even row,” stated Lori, “but we particularly appreciate them helping our daughter Olivia Jade improve her photoshop skills.”

Singer’s groundbreaking work with disadvantaged rich children included getting extended time for their college admissions entrance exams.  “What people don’t realise is that rich children are disabled from having to work hard to earn money.  It’s only right that we give them a chance to experience college debt.”

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible