Democrat enthusiasm skyrockets after Joe Biden completes coherent sentence
WILMINGTON, DE- Broadcasting from his home in quarantine, presumptive Democrat presidential nominee Joe Biden commanded a boost in support by speaking a coherent, intelligible, full-length sentence.
Supporters nationwide rejoiced with #TrumpIsScrewed and #DementiaFreeJoe soon trending on Twitter.
Previously, the Biden campaign has been unable to produce any footage without the former Vice President rambling or losing his trail of thought. This all changed last night after Biden’s afternoon power nap.
When it was time for his daily criticism of President Donald Trump, little did his staffers know the magic they were about to witness on his eighth attempt at completing his thirty second message to the nation:
Joe Biden managed to complete a full complete sentence!
“You see, I, uh… I… the thing is… America. And you can’t just, well, it’s like I said…” Biden began the recording, but followed up with his inspiring message. “We need jobs.”
Those three words may go down in history as the biggest turning point in the 2020 election cycle.
“I knew his eighth time would be the charm,” said campaign manger Jennifer O’Malley Dillon. “He didn’t even look at the Teleprompter for the second half of the sentence. This is exactly the type of leadership this country needs.”
“That was the moment I knew we made the right choice selecting Joe as our candidate,” said DNC Chairman Tom Perez. “A few more soundbites like that and voters will flock to the polls to help us beat Donald Trump this November.”
Following the broadcast, pollsters FiveThirtyEight gave Biden a 97% of winning the election.
Reporters excitedly called for follow-up but sadly his nurse said Joe was too busy eating pudding.
Reporter: Richie Richards