Democrats Back Women’s Right to Choose up to 90th Trimester
Seeking to distance herself from the rest of the Democratic nominees, Elizabeth Warren announced, “Sometimes a mother’s health is threatened even after the third trimester. That’s just real life. You can’t always ‘plan’ your ‘parenthood,’ and regrettably, for the sake of the mother’s health, the zygote must be terminated in the 3rd, 4th or even the 90th trimester.”
However, the other democratic candidates quickly sought to jump on the bandwaggon with Joe Biden stating, “Third trimester abortions are allowed if the women’s health is threatened and Doe v. Bolton clearly defined ‘health’ to include financial, emotional, and familial health. Such needs do not simply stop at birth, indeed for some mothers they are only just beginning.”
Mayor Pete Buttigieg commented, “There are heartbreaking circumstances during the ‘terrible twos’ during which a woman’s mental health is severely at risk. Extending Roe v. Wade to at least the 90th trimester will provide much needed support for these desperate women.”
Senator Bernie Sanders added, “Compassionate socialist countries like China understand this need and their first-rate health care system has no problem supplying full-sized, healthy donor organs to anyone who wants one, no matter if they are gay, straight, trans, full-on Native American or just 1/1,024th.”
Warren bristled at the dig and retorted, “20-week abortion bans are dangerous and cruel whereas my extension of Roe v. Wade is something that helps everyone. Let’s be honest. If I had a Dollar for every time my boy made me want to rip my hair out, I’d be a multi-millionaire. Well, I am a multi-millionaire, but you know what I mean. Real talk, not too long ago, my 43 year-old son said something that sounded kinda fascist. I couldn’t believe it. My health was at stake. And if I only had the right to choose then…,” Warren trailed off, shaking her head menacingly.
Sadly Kamala Harris was forced out of the race yesterday after accidentally mentioning that “only 1.3% of abortions occur in the third trimester which is more than the number of gun homicides.”
Reporter: Major Kong