Facebook bans free speech: introduces pre-approved speech instead

Facebook recently banned Alex Jones, Milo Yiannopoulos, Paul Joseph Watson, Laura Loomer, and far left anti-semite Louis Farrakha and anyone who shares Infowars links.  With commentators saying that Facebook bans free speech, Mark Zuckerberg issued a statement saying, “We’ve always banned individuals or organizations that promote or engage in violence and hate.”

However, Facebook quickly realised that on this basis they would have to ban ANTIFA, anti-Trump pages and also Muslim extremists.  So it was clear that a new approach was needed.

A non-binary spokesperson stated, “After that whole Sarah Sanders thing, we considered copying restaurants by asking users their political affiliation before they were allowed on the platform but republicans could lie, get on and then spread their crazy ideas.”

“With our 15,000 Millennial moderators around the world struggling to censor conservative views on our platform, even with our new emoji based rulebook we decided a better way forward was just to only allow people to choose one of our specially vetted phrases from a drop-down menu.”

“So Facebook bans free speech?” our rather astute reporter asked.

“We prefer the phrase ‘pre-approved speech’ as people are still free to choose whichever of our comments they want to use.”

Our reporter was relieved to hear this.  For a moment he worried that Facebook was only doing this to censor free speech ahead of the 2020 presidential election.

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible