First Space Force Chaplain Volunteers for Duty!
“I plan to be the first pastor in space,” says Beauford Boudreaux of Houma, Louisiana. “I texted President Trump asking to be the first chaplain in his new Space Force.”
“I learned the truth about religion when I read the Hillbilly Bible . . . well, most of it.”
The Hillbilly Bible is a colloquial version based on the Gospel according to John. When asked if he meant the Cotton Patch Bible, which includes two Gospels and several letters, Boudreaux replied: “Nah, that book is just too long. Besides who needs to hear the same story twice? I did like the musical though.”
Boudreaux’s prospects are uncertain. He is still reading Trump’s texts religiously, waiting for his answer.
When contacted for comment, Chaplain, Colonel Jeff Dull of the Armed Forces Chaplains Board said, “Yes, the three Chiefs of Chaplains are aware of Mr. Boudreaux’s offer.”
When pressed to comment further he commented, “we wrote to him explaining that there are minimal educational requirements. So, after finishing his GED, he would need to attend college. After which he would need to complete an accredited graduate program, typically earning a divinity degree consistent with his faith tradition.”
“Yeah, I got a fancy letter from some office at the Pentagon, but I know President Trump can wave those unrealistic requirements. Ever since I saw Jar Jar Binks steal every scene he was in, I knew I had to get to space.”
Removing his ballcap and holding it over his heart, he added, “The good news of Jesus needs to be preached everywhere, and that includes outer space. It’s my calling to be the first man to preach on the moon and Mars and Venus. Heck, even the planet Pluto needs its heart warmed by the gospel.”
With Jesse Duplantis currently seeking donations for a $600m space rocket, there is certainly space race amongst evangelists to present the Good News that is out of this world to places that are out of this world.
While leaving the interview, this reporter overheard a final comment made by Boudreaux to one of his wives. “You know what the coolest part of being a space chaplain will be? The ray gun.”
Reporter: Robert Charlesson