Groundhog to be employed by climate change scientists
In an effort to improve their accuracy and the effectiveness of their outreach to the general public, climate change advocates have enlisted the services of a widely known predictor of future weather events.
Punxsutawney Phil, the groundhog whose fear of his shadow has been used to predict the length of winter since 1887, has been made a board member of the CSCC (Council of Scaredy Cat Climatologists). The council plans on consulting the groundhog prognosticator yearly, noting that when he sees his shadow it means that there will be record heat waves in the coming year, when he doesn’t see it there will be equally devastating polar freezes, if the wind is blowing the number of hurricanes will be far above normal, and if no wind is blowing airplanes will fall from the sky in droves.
Since Phil’s handlers in Punxsutawney PA rate his accuracy at 100%, the CSCC is confident that this is a giant step forward in climate change science that can only make the doubters and deniers shake in their non-eco-friendly boots.
Asked for a comment on this new development, David Warrilow, the president of the Royal Meteorological Society issued this statement: “What?”