In unprecedented move, Miami Dolphins draft mysterious Canadian QB, Tom Tebow

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“With the 5th overall pick of the 2020 NFL draft, the Miami Dolphins select, Tom Tebow, Quarterback.”

A highlight reel of a mysterious mustached man filled millions of screens all across the U.S. this week when the Miami Dolphins made an unprecedented move, selecting Canadian QB over former Alabama superstar, Tua Tagovailoa.

When asked about the decision, head coach Brian Flores, said, “It was an easy decision. Though young and fresh out of Montreal, Tom has the poise of a veteran QB. Not to mention he’s a fast learner—the kind of guy that’s played for multiple teams under multiple systems. You can’t teach that kind of versatility.”

When pressed as to why no one has heard of Tebow, including the school he claims to have gone to, Quarterback Coach Robby Brown said, “We’re going to let his talent speak for itself. So what if no one’s heard of him? So what if he looks like he’s 32? So what if he doesn’t have an official Canadian driver’s license or any other form of formal identification? He’s an incredible quarterback and we are happy to have him on the team. That’s that.”

During a brief interview with the Miami Herald, Tom summed up his feelings saying, “I’m just blessed to have another shot—I mean a first shot at the big leagues. Slip of the tongue. Canadian thing, ay.”

Tebow said little else for the remainder of the interview and signed off with a, “Go God, go Gators” before swiftly and nervously exiting the room.

In unrelated news, former NFL QB and current minor-league baseball player, Tim Tebow, has failed to return phone calls, texts, and emails from the New York Mets head office.

Reporter: Cory Atkinson


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