Jeff Van Drew Ousted from DFL after Expressing Interest in Joining Cult

The Blue Dog Coalition told Fox News on Tuesday that it has removed Jeff Van Drew from its membership roll after the congressman began showing interest in switching political parties.

Though no formal announcement has been made by Van Drew, five aides from his office have resigned. Van Drew indicated that the aides may have been forced to resign under threats of never being able to work with the DFL again should they decide to stay with the congressman.

“I just don’t agree with the impeachment of the President, but that isn’t the only reason for my interest in switching political parties,” Jeff Van Drew said. “There’s just something strangely compelling about joining the Trumpism cult. There must be more to it, and go much deeper than many realize. After all, why would so many of the religious Right be willing to compromise their Christian testimony and morals to embrace such an ungodly President? The only way to really find out what all the hoopla is about is to join the cult myself.”

“For me, the switch isn’t really that drastic, since the DFL cast morals out the window years ago. As I see it, switching from depravity of the Democrats to corruption of the Republicans isn’t that big of step. And besides, the President said I could get a price break on green fees at any of his golf courses if I make the switch.”

Reporter: Dr Parson Peeves