John Hagee Releases Blood Moon Book On Home Decorating

In a surprising marketing shift, Rev. John Hagee has come out with a new book on the eve of the January 20th “Super Wolf Blood Moon.”

Finally realizing he has struggled to tell the difference between a natural, predictable astronomical phenomenon, and a prophetic end-time event, Hagee has begun a new series of home decorating books, the first of which is timed with January’s blood moon.

50 Shades of Blood is now available in select bookstores and interior design shops around the country. Many gullible do-it-yourself home decorators are sure to hop on Hagee’s blood wagon.

In addition to a general discussion about the color red, 50 Shades of Blood will give tips on painting for special events such as graduations, birthdays, and bar mitzvahs.

There is an entire chapter devoted to decorating for the 40th anniversary – the ruby anniversary – and the special meaning of the number 40 in biblical numerology. Other typology will be left to the reader’s creative eisegesis.

Hageeites will soon be selecting the darker colors such as oxblood for living rooms, fire engine red for kitchens, and various shades of crimson for bathrooms.

The sudden demand for red paint in various shades will be sure to catch many paint stores off guard.

It is thought that the inspiration behind this new book is the shade of embarrassment on Hagee’s face when things mentioned in his blood moon books never unfolded. That, admittedly, may be speculation, but Hagee was not available for comment.

Reporter: Dr Parson Peeves