Local Man’s DNA Test Reveals He’s 3% Nephilim

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Hot Springs, Arkansas: Curiosity overcame local resident, Harvey Clanton, on Thursday when he decided to take a DNA test.

“I was always a little suspicious of my family’s story about being Native American,” said Clanton in an interview with the Salty Cee. “After that whole Elizabeth Warren DNA thing, I figured I had better find out for sure.”

Clanton was shocked to discover that he was a descendant of Anak on his mother’s side.

“This explains a lot,” Clanton said, “I am abnormally tall, have seven fingers on my right hand, and really dig country music.”

Clanton also attributes his deep and abiding love for alleged musical group, Nickleback, his taste for kale, and his penchant for well-done steak to his being the descendant of devil spawn.

“My brother is a big fan of the Twilight series,” Clanton added, “now we know why.”

The Salty Cee reached out to the DNA research facility but have received no statement as of the date of this article. Rumor has it that it got submitted to a certain Christian satirical website before realising that the Cee were much more desperate welcoming.

Reporter: J. E. Barrow

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