Nike stores welcome looters!

Woke sports company Nike announced today that looters are welcome in any of their stores nationwide during the George Floyd riots.

 John Donahoe, President and CEO of Nike, stated, “We realised that our ad campaign ‘sacrifice’ featuring Colin Kaepernick only resulted in one rich black man making even more money.  We feel this approach will better help the man on the street, literally.”

Nike plans to daily restock its stores and replace its glass windows ready for the night looters.

However, after criticism that some repeat looters were preventing others from benefiting, Nike has decided to start trialling a ticketing system in Chicago.

Photo credit: Ben Pope
Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible