Pastor Eagerly Waits on Inspiration for Sermon Outline from Twitter Feed

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Just moments before taking the stage at his megachurch in Chicago, pastor and driver education instructor Freddy “Flash” Johansen eagerly swipes up on his iPhone X to see what new inspiration he might screenshot in order to deliver his epic message to tens of thousands of shallow parishioners.

When asked why he didn’t spend 20-30 hours doing research and praying over his message, he said that his sermons will be more effective if they are “hot off the press.”

Our experts just assumed he was lazy, but after shadowing Pastor Johansen for a day, they knew that his golf and social media schedule kept him busy.

 So, what is the result of these “flash” messages?

They are actually more effective than you would think. In fact, he is starting a live forum in which church attendees can live Tweet a powerful, catchy thought and then he can repeat it through his Audio Technica® headset microphone to the ears of thousands of adoring fans.

Unlike Steven Furtick, who depends heavily upon written notes, and Joel Osteen, who likely has his sermonettes pasted to the back of his heavily-closed eyelids, Johansen uses only the divine notifications on his smartphone because he believes it takes more skill.

While most pastors rely on the inspired text, Pastor Freddy relies solely on something else: the Twitter text.

 

Reporter: Angry Nursery Worker

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