Showdown at the Oval Corral
New details have emerged about the latest shutdown negotiations at the White House between President Trump, Speaker Nancy Pelosi, and senate minority leader Chuck Schumer, thanks to the diligent work of reporters at the popular website, Bummfeed.
It had been reported, accurately, that the President walked out of the meeting after Pelosi gave a firm no to the wall, but the new details of the meeting that were provided to Bummfeed by a source identified only as Deep Tonsils, gives us a view of negotiating style a la Trump not unearthed previously.
When the speaker and leader entered the Oval Office, they saw three hollowed out coconut shell halves sitting on the table in front of them. President Trump entered, wearing a top hat and a loose black silk sleeping jacket with “Make America Great Again and Again and Again” embroidered across the back. He took a seat behind the table with the shells. After sharing the necessary formalities with his two guests, the president reached into the deep pockets of his jacket and pulled out three balls, the type they use to pick the winning numbers in the lottery,
Each ball had writing on it. One said simply “THE WALL.” The second said “DACA”. The third said “McDonald’s.”
“Watch closely,” he said to his visitors. He showed them there was nothing hidden in his hands or up his loose-fitting sleeves. Then he laid the three balls down on the table and covered each one with a shell.
“Watch very closely,” he said.
He slid the shells around the table in sideways and circular motions for thirty seconds or so, seeming to mix them up in a process impossible to follow, then lined them up and said to Nancy, “pick one.”
Pelosi stared at him in marked disbelief, then relented and said, “Okay, the one on your left.”
Trump lifted up the shell she had chosen. The ball underneath said “THE WALL.”
“Okay,” said the President, “so it’s settled, we build the wall.”
“No wall,” said the Speaker, looking a bit stunned by the whole scenario.
“No wall, huh? Hmm, well, Chuck, why don’t you try it?”
Schumer looked a bit more eager than his companion had been. Trump went through the same process of concealing and shuffling the balls, lined the shells up again and said, “Okay, Chuck. Choose.”
Schumer looked at the shells intently. “Mmm, okay, the one on the right, no, the center shell. Wait . . . yes, the one in the center.”
Trump lifted up the shell he chose. Again, the ball underneath said “THE WALL.”
Schumer had a huge look of disappointment on his face. “Don’t take it too hard, Chuck” said Trump. “How about you try again Nancy?”
Pelosi gave a disgusted sigh. “Oh all right.”
Trump repeated the scrambling process again, Pelosi chose the one on the right, and again the ball that said “THE WALL” was revealed.
“For the last time, there will be no wall!” Nancy shouted in frustration.
“All right then, you say no wall, we have nothing left to talk about,” said Trump, walking swiftly out of the room.
Pelosi looked at Schumer in stunned disbelief. “He got us with the old shell game.”
Schumer just sat there shaking his head, looking forlornly at the paraphernalia on the table. “I sure could have used a Big Mac,” he sighed.