Social distanced Christmas “best one yet” says nation

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A recent survey on how people were coping with the Christmas lockdown revealed that 90% of people preferred their social distanced Christmas over a normal Christmas, with many claiming that this was their “best Christmas yet.”

We at the Cee were astonished, just like we were last year that people would rather read our Christmas day article than spend time with their family.

Why is it that people aren’t upset about missing extended time with all their relatives? 

Why don’t they miss those dinner conversations about politics and religion?

What could be better than receiving a kiss from their dear auntie with a beard?

Why would they enjoy not receiving that specially knitted jumper from obscure relatives?

To try and understand the strange results of this survey, we set about investigating by interviewing any one we could find.

However, not only was there no-one on the streets, but our reporter got arrested for breaking the lockdown.

So we resorted to telephone interviews instead.

“Excuse me sir,” our polite interviewer asked, “My name is Brian, and I’d like to know why you…”

Sadly the phone was put down before they finished.

It seems this mystery will remain unsolved.

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible 

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