Vegans radical solution to save animals wows meat-eaters

News

How can you tell if someone is a vegan?

Don’t worry, they’ll tell you!

Yes, everyone knows THAT vegan who is only too happy to ruin your beautiful Chick-Fil-A experience to remind you that “meat is murder” and you just ate Henrietta whose care-free life was cut short to satisfy your primal urges.

Fortunately for the vegan, the Holy Spirit stopped your subsequent primal urge to punch them for ruining that special moment you were having with your meal.

Vegans also tend to wax lyrical about how humans are taking up too many of the Earth’s resources and somehow or other that means we should stop eating meat – but by then we’d stopped listening.

Well, a small group of vegans have proposed a radical solution that is sure to reduce the rate at which the Earth’s resources are consumed and protect animals.

What is more amazing is that this solution also means that meat eaters can still eat meat and don’t have vegans banging on about…well anything really.

The solution?

Vegans will offer themselves to be eaten instead of the animals.

“We feel that our sacrifice creates a win-win situation for animals and meat-eaters alike,” says Jeremy Reese, “plus the meat-eaters will finally learn to appreciate vegans, even if it is just their taste.”

Reports indicate that vegans unsurprisingly taste like chicken. 

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible


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