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ray stevens

Pascagoula, Mississippi – Ray Stevens, known for his folksy take on the parody music genre, with songs such as, “It’s Me Again Margaret” and “The Streak” also sang about a young man who spent his summers with his granny in Pascagoula, Mississippi.

This “sleepy, little town,” may best be well known for the Ray Stevens hit single which claims a squirrel got loose during a church service, and had a knack for crawling up the legs of certain church members, causing them to confess their sins, and act out in a charismatic manner. And, while the 1984 song, “Mississippi Squirrel Revival,” may be entertaining, locals are now saying there may have been something to those lyrics.

During a service this past Sunday, a small fox squirrel somehow trespassed into the sanctuary and attacked 52 year old Harvey Newman. When the squirrel allegedly clawed his way up Mr. Newman’s pant leg, the victim reportedly jumped to his feet in the middle of the speaker’s seventh attempt at a knock knock joke, shouting, “Something’s got a hold on me!”

As Mr. Newman began shouting in both ecstasy and pain, he reportedly danced and hopped his way down the aisle, later stating he believed “a weed eater had done been turnt loose in my bibbed overalls.”

Amidst all the confusion, another parishioner, Bertha Scott, also apparently began to feel the move of the Spirit, as she leapt from her pew and began to confess horrible sins that would “make a sailor blush with shame.” However, she was quickly escorted out of the room by several ushers when she began to confess private matters one church member referred to as, “romantic escapades” and began to name members of the congregation.

Several others were apparently attacked by the small animal, but the pastor, Rev. David Peterson reports that he, along with several members of the church board, all dedicated their lives to Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior for the first time, with dozens of rededications reported, many members of the congregation felt called to mission work in central Africa, and the entire congregation was re-baptized, an offering was taken in which the new building funds were exceeded by 200%.

Was this all the work of a small rodent, or the work of the Holy Spirit?

Sadly this reporter could not speak Squirrelnese and the Lord is mysteriously silent…

Reporter: Crass Christian

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