World Cup 2018: England in trauma therapy after winning quarter final

Much to the surprise of England and their football (soccer for our American readers) team, they won last night’s Russian World Cup 2018 quarter final against Sweden 2-0.

England is renowned for inventing sports, such as football, rugby and cricket and then exporting them to their colonies around the world.  It is then tradition for England to subsequently lose against their opponents and have to invent a new game.

Sweden who skill is unsurpassed with meatballs found they had less with footballs.  Perhaps due to their larger size.

So in the World Cup 2018 England vs Sweden match it was a shock to England fans that their team actually won and placed itself in the semi-final.  A feat which has not been achieved since 1990 in Italy when they beat Cameron 3-2.

The Queen called for a national day of mourning and special counsellors were made available to help England’s players work through PTSD that they were suffering.

“As a British man I was brought up to cheer for the underdog – what am I supposed to do now?” said one disillusioned fan.

Another put it this way, “I know I’m supposed to be proud, but after what they’ve done I’m not sure I can support them anymore.”

Harry Kane, England’s captain, has vowed to practice missing penalties and fluffing passes ready for their semi-final against Croatia on Wednesday this week.  And Jordan Pickford has promised to stop saving as many goals.  Such is their devotion to being a true Brit.

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible